My Endless Mind

I’ve been messing around with a few new songs lately and new ideas have been circling around in my head and I can’t seem to get one solid, connected thought onto paper. The mind of a creative person is like a jungle, or one of those splatter paintings, or like a web browser with 4,052 tabs open at once.

My brain. Never. Quits.

I never, ever complain though. There are people that have brilliant ideas, but they do absolutely nothing about it. Magnificent ideas go to waste every day, and it’s utterly tragic. Thinkers are marvelous human beings who walk the walk and talk the talk and think the think. Does that even make sense…? It makes enough sense… what I’m trying to say is these people who are not scared of their own bewildering minds and ideas, are the ones that change the world. I’ve heard that if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough. That is the best thing I’ve heard in my nineteen years of life on planet Earth. If you’re scared of what people will think of you, or that you’ll fall flat on your face, that’s great!! You’re doing something right! You’re ideas are tremendous and your thoughts are so vast, they reach as far, and FARTHER, than the eye can see. You genius, you.

With all these delirious doo-dads floating around in my head, I have had trouble writing a song that makes sense. I start with something about maybe liking a guy.. then I end with something about moving across the country or my love for food, or possibly something about my dog. The funny thing is, I’m not even slightly joking. I can’t sit still for five seconds and I can’t concentrate on one single thing for more than about twelve minutes. I’m surprised I’ve even gotten this far in my blog post… speaking of, I’m actually thoroughly amazed that I haven’t walked away yet. It’s probably because writing some things down like this is giving me a chance to step back and really look at what is going on in my head. Like a detox, for my brain.

So anyways, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not yet but it’s already the middle of summer. Holy cow. I was fishing with a friend and spending time with him when we got to talking about how we wished it was this time last year. How nice would it be to be able to rewind and feel a couple things twice? Pretty darn nice. Time is going incredibly too fast, people are walking in and out of my life all too quickly, and I’m growing up so rapidly, I don’t even remember being eighteen. I’m going to be twenty in six months. That’s insane!! Weeks are racing by and months are over in a snap of my fingers. It’s like the wizard of time is looking at us all laughing saying, “well, It’s already almost the last week of July, you miiiiight want to start packing for college or thinking about school again. Sorry, not sorry!!!” And then we’re sitting here, wallowing in all our past memories and trying to catch up with friends and family, scrambling to find time to even sit down and enjoy a sunrise or sunset. It’s not fair. Life never used to go this fast, ask any parent or grand parent. Summer’s would coast by at a comfortable speed and the rest of the year was smooth sailing. People had enough time to laugh and to dance, and they were able to reach out to old acquaintances and keep up with high school flames. Now we’re rushed through middle school, forced through high school, and regretfully pushed through college, even though we want to make it last and hold on to every day. But days are like balloon strings, they’re so thin and tiny and too easily able to slip out of our hands before we are able to admire the color or the beauty of them floating by.

I want to be able to relish in all that life has to offer me. I want to be able to swim in sunbeams and walk to the tips of rainbows and search aimlessly for pots of gold that aren’t really there. I want to believe in everything and be perfectly content with the world surrounding me. Instead I’m running out the front door at 7 am, hoping for a rainy day so that I might not feel so bad remaining inside for hours on end at work. Instead I’m counting my pennies and budgeting every last dime, wishing that a pot of gold would show up at my doorstep. Instead I find myself skeptical of every word that comes out of people’s mouths, and I find it hard to believe in the things I would like to. Life seems to be a crazy paradox lately, and I hate it.

I don’t hate life itself, however. I adore life. I love every day I’m given on this planet. I’m obsessed with the beauty of everything. I’m dumbfounded by nature and impressed with how everything works and coexists. Life is a truly spectacular thing.

I feel like sometimes I tend to point out all the negative things happening in my life in these things I write. It’s easier to write about the lousy stuff. The favorable events are seldom when you’re insanely busy like me, but when they happen, man are they are outstanding. I just recently became a nanny for a family that I absolutely adore. I go over every day to their cabin on Cranberry Lake and help with the kids and small things around the house. The little girl has a spectacular mind. I am fascinated by her, and I love watching her every day. She reminds me incredibly of myself. Our brains are the exact same brain. We can’t sit still, we love to draw and create, and already by two and a half, she’s sitting at the piano composing music. I was completely floored when I first saw this. You best believ I whipped out the camera on my phone and started video taping. Sure it was nothing but a jumble of random keys and chords, and a couple la-da-dee’s and noo-nee-na’s, but it was wonderful. She’s an absolute genius already and I am amazed.

I am actually amazed by so many things. By the good, and the bad. I’m amazed with people’s talents and abilities, but then I’m amazed with people’s ability to be inconsiderate. Or their ability to disappoint me so many times, yet they don’t see the wrong they did and forget all together to apologize. It tears me into little, tiny pieces. If you want to see me, please tell me when. Or, when you tell me a time, don’t bail. People that bail are the worst kinds of people. Like, if you make plans with me and I get super excited, don’t opt out last minute. Chances are I’ll be extremely disappointed, and probably won’t want to talk to you for at least a good month. It’s true. OR.. if you tell me you miss me, and then make absolutely no effort on God’s green earth to try to see me or call me, or even text me. I see right through you, you don’t miss me, it’s just word vomit spilling out of your mouth for the sake of it. People need to talk the talk AND walk the walk, just like I said before. I’m AMAZED at people who can lie through their teeth, and look me right in the eye and feed me blatant myths and fables. I want to scream at them, “SHUT UP! ”. I know I don’t handle these situations in the best of ways, but if someone lets me down, or doesn’t treat me well, I don’t take it lightly. Everyone deserves to be treated like kings and queens and princesses and princes. Don’t make me so upset that my head hangs low and my crown begins to fall. I don’t like that, don’t dull my shine. I guess I’m kind of saying here that I don’t handle rejection well. I do! I really do handle it decently, just not when it’s my emotions on the line. Don’t mess with my emotions and my feelings. I’m tough, but I’m easily hurt. I’m a paradox myself, just like I think life is paradox.

Now that I’m starting to see my ideas come full circle here, I think I’m finally getting somewhere in trying to figure out what’s going on inside my head. I’m sorry this blog post is so scatter-brained and all over the place. I shouldn’t be apologizing for anything actually… but I feel the need to this time because of the randomness of each new idea I brought into existence. I hope you can take something out of this. Whether it be you finally figuring out something about yourself that you’ve been struggling with, or that I’m just plain crazy and psycho.  (Because, I CAN be a little bit weird sometimes, and that’s quite alright with me)

Just remember I love you all, and I’m so thankful for you each and every day.

Keep a look out on all my social media accounts for updates on where I’m performing, and MY NEW MUSIC VIDEO!!!!

The video for Somethin’ Like That will be out before you know it.. so you should tell your friends and family and your cousins dog and sisters fiancé!!!

Anyways, you guys are pretty great, never forget that.

Love you all!!!!!

-Madeline

Twitter: @mconsoer_music

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