I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been thinking.
As said by Forrest Gump himself, “life is like a box of chocolates”,
and right now I’m chewing on this really sticky one with that caramel inside that’s
like a surprise because you thought it was going to be some decadent, gooey,
chocolate masterpiece, but instead it’s super hard to even get past the gag reflex. Nobody likes
that kind of chocolate, and I’m sorry for you if you do. I wish I could just
spit it out, but I can’t because it’s stuck in my teeth and it’s making things
real difficult.
Last Saturday I drove down to Minnesota for the first time on my own.
It was just me, the radio, and the road. I loved those four and a half hours to
myself, jamming and thinking.
But then I started to think too much…
And that’s not good. When my brain starts to think, it doesn’t stop.
Let me give you an example: If I start thinking about food, I’ll start thinking
about what I’m going to eat for dinner, then I’ll wonder where I’m going to get
it, then how I’m going to pay for it. Then I get depressed because I’ll have
twenty less dollars than I did before, and then I’ll start thinking about
money, and how I need to get another job. But new jobs are nerve racking, and I
start to get real anxious about if I’ll find a good job, or if I’ll be stuck
flippin flap jacks in the back of some I-Hop for the rest of my life, and…..
Yeah.
The brain of Madeline Consoer ladies and gentlemen.
So on this road trip of mine, you can bet your bottom dollar my gears
were turning. I’ve been gathering my thoughts about my relationships with
people and how I could improve with them. Saying that Nashville threw me
through a loop is an understatement. What a fantastic loop it was, but I didn’t
talk to a lot of people when I was there because of the lack of time, but when I
did have time, I didn’t hear from some of the people that I really cared about.
I think I was kind of hurt by that. I was going through something so amazing in
my life, and some of the people I really wanted to share that joy with, didn’t
seem to care.. or were too busy with other things to even look up and notice I
wasn’t reaching out to them. Yet, here I am, still waiting for them to care for
me the way I care about them, instead of moving on.
I came down to the single factor that this is my problem: I care too much for people, that don’t care
even half as much about me. I don’t really see this as a bad thing though. I’m
ALWAYS there for my friends, always. No matter what. I could never turn my back
on anyone. It’s impossible. Someone
could break my heart, but if they asked me for help a week later, I would be
there. I’ve been told I’m too nice. “Thank you!” I say back, but inside I’m
like “crap… I look like a pushover.” Which I am not by the way! I know how to
say no, just not one hundred percent of the time.
I am a people person, and I like to make people happy. It’s easy with
my music and I love it so incredibly much, but it’s harder when you’re only
left with words and actions that aren’t strung together with a melody, or pre-orchestrated
on a piece of sheet music. You’re left to your own devices, which can be really
stressful. I’ll be honest and blunt in saying, it’s easy for me to attract
people with my singing and music, but it’s hard to make them stay once they
learn I don’t sing everything I say, I’m
normal and I talk, just like an average person. Normal isn’t cool, or so I’ve
learned. In order to be somebody, you need to stand out, and with that I agree.
I think what every person aims to do with their life, is create their own
brand. Say George really likes wearing aviators. Sure, a lot of people wear
those sunglasses, but nobody wears them like George wears them. That’s his
brand. And while George is over here wearing aviators, Susy is out there wearing
cable-knit sweaters. Susy rocks those sweaters with scarves and boots that make
her brand unique.
The same thing goes for music. People always ask me, “So, what kind of
music do you sing?” and I answer the same thing every time, “I sing Maddie
music.”
Plain and simple.
It’s my own “brand” of music. It’s not simply country, or simply pop,
or simply rock, it’s simply Madeline. And that’s all.
So I think all this thinking makes me pretty special. Yeah, it freaks
me out sometimes, and I get really worried about tiny little matters, but I
sure get a lot of ideas. And you know what ideas are good for? Songs!!
Because I think so much, I get tons of good songs.
So anyways, to the people that I have tried so hard to keep in touch
with and be there for, I will always be here, but I think I need to take a
break. I need to focus on my “brand" of music, not on the fact that you aren’t
talking to me, or you’re too busy with more important matters.
Music is my muse, and I need to grind that into every little wrinkle in
my brain. I need to worry about people that worry about me too. Simple as that.
You all should do that too. You only need people in your life that need
you! So take a colander and put all your friends into it as if they were all floppy
spaghetti noodles, and the ones that don’t fall through the little holes are
the ones worth having around. Weird analogy, but hey, whatever works.
I hope you all are having a wonderful week!
It’s always wonderful when it’s the Christmas season anyways, so go
out and look at pretty lights, go ice skating, bake cookies, make a snowman and
name it, give gifts to people, give love to
people. And don’t forget what Christmas is really about; Jesus was born for US,
and we must always love him and worship him.
You all are amazing.. never forget that!
-Madeline
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