As the
holiday season is coming to an end, as the New Year approaches, and as the
release of my EP is coming up ever so quickly, I’m taking a step back and putting
everything into perspective.
2014 has
been a whirlwind of crazy, exciting things. I graduated high school, worked my
butt off the entire summer, and recorded an EP in November. Eventful, but ever
so amazing. Saying I’m thankful is an understatement for sure. I’m overjoyed,
overwhelmed, gratified, contented, satisfied.. and I’m running out of
adjectives to describe how happy I am to be living this life that God has
blessed me with.
God hasn’t
only given me things recently, he’s placed many people in my path along the way
that have pushed me and made me who I am today. Without them I’d be at college
right now, sitting in my dorm, snacking on a bucket of cheese balls. (Ok maybe
not, but it’s still a possibility though)
I’ve been
singing ever since I could remember, so that means that people have been
inspiring me ever since I could remember. I really started focusing on my
musical career when I was fourteen years old. I was in eighth grade when I
entered a talent competition in my home town. The people that supported me then
were just as amazing as they are now. It meant so much to me to come out every Wednesday
night and sing for a mere two to three minutes, and people would cheer every
time, so loud I could do nothing but smile and say thank you over a billion
times. Music isn’t the most “excepted” thing in this town, and it was nice to express
what I loved to do, and actually get positive feedback. Sure, there were still
the people that didn’t like me. Maybe because I was too young to even be
competing, maybe because they thought I was just doing it to show off, or maybe
they were just plain jealous. Whatever the reason, they are the ones that
pushed me to become better every week. I wanted to make the people that
supported me proud, and prove the people that hated me wrong. Because of all
these people, I won the competition and gained a new outlook on my career, and
for that I am forever grateful.
After that competition,
I began working even harder on making my dream come true. Now that I had a
clear vision of what I wanted, I could begin to seriously focus on what needed
to be done. I started to play gigs at local restaurants and sing the national
anthems at my school’s sports games and events. The feedback was amazing, but
then came the question that I would always answer with an exuberant yes, but
would never want to actually play something like that in public.
“Do you
write songs?” countless people would ask.
“Of course I
do!” I’d answer, but inside a knot would begin to twist and turn and I’d say
something like, “uhm, yeah but I don’t have the music” or, “I forgot the words.”
I’m upset at myself for not wanting to play my songs when I was younger, but I
feel like I had a perfectly logical reason then. I was fourteen, and to some
people a fourteen year old is immature and they don’t have a reasonable outlook
on life. I felt the opposite. I felt like I understood what life was, and in
all of my songs I poured my feelings into the words and my emotions into the
piano, and because of this I was scared to let people hear these songs, because
then they would be peering directly inside of my brain. I didn’t like feeling
that vulnerability back then. I wanted to fit in, not stand out because I came
off as some emotional wreck.
So anyways,
I cast my favorite lyrics into a notebook I hid under my bed, and started
writing basic, simple songs that I could play for my “fans”. I wrote songs that
blabbered on about teenage crushes and heartbreaks that I only read about in
back-cover magazine stories. It seemed to be working though, I enjoyed the
catchy melodies that I would plunk out, and the people that I played them for
seemed to catch on really quickly, memorizing lyrics and requesting my own
music whenever I’d play somewhere. I started to really love playing my own
songs. A memory I will never forget was when I was at our good family friend’s
house and everyone was sitting around the piano listening to me. Lucky, which
was one of my songs, was requested by my best friend Natalie, and I started to
play it. To my surprise, everyone in the room knew the lyrics, and they sang
along throughout the entire song. It was the most amazing thing to have people
singing my own song with me. It was like, “hey man, yeah, you understand me
too. We’re on the same page, that’s awesome bro, yeah.” It was so cool!
Anyways…. Since
these simple songs were sticking with people, simple songs I continued to
write. I don’t even think I could count on 12 pairs of hands how many people
asked if they could get the songs on iTunes yet. Even though these songs were
sitting well with my audience and I, I still had this quiet little longing
inside of me to play my more meaningful songs. Yes, I was scared out of my
pants, but I knew I had to.
When I was a
senior in high school, I decided to try out one of my songs. When I was ten or
eleven years old, I wrote a song called “Breathing Underwater”. I have no idea
where the inspiration came from at that age, seeing as it’s practically
impossible for an eleven year old to experience a love as deep as the one I sang
about. Anyways, I was sitting at home with some company that had come over for
dinner and my mom had me sing some songs while we waited to eat. I sat behind
the piano, and I remember telling them that I had a new song I wanted them to
hear. I played Breathing Underwater and after I finished the last notes on the
piano, I remember looking up and seeing nothing but smiles. (Contrary to what I
thought I was going to be seeing, which was a look of a mix of discontent and
horror) In that moment I knew my emotional self would fare well in the public
eye, and I could begin to publicly sing my songs. Not entirely though; I mixed
the catchy, simple stuff, with the deep emotional stuff, and wrote some more
songs. I wrote a couple called “Leaving Scars” and “La La Love”. People loved
them, but that little, tiny person inside of me was still quietly screaming
that I wanted to play the deeper material that I so reluctantly kept under my
mattress.
Then came
this last summer, when I worked three jobs and had no free time for friends, or
family.
(Hey, the EP
wouldn’t be where it was today if I hadn’t worked my arse off) The only people
I had were the people I worked with, and luckily they were some of my favorite
people I’ve ever met. I’ll admit I lived a pretty sheltered life, in a way, in
the past, but this summer my reigns were loosened and I had a little more freedom
than I used to. Thank God in heaven I was able to do the things I did, because
the experiences led to more songs upon more songs. I sang every Tuesday night
at the same resort I waitressed at. Every week a bigger crowd formed and the
more fun it became. Interacting with the audience was my favorite thing to do,
and making them laugh was so rewarding. I am usually a very shy person, but
once I stepped behind that microphone and piano, I completely opened up somehow,
and gave it all I had. Those people who came back to watch me week after week,
and the people that only saw me once, were absolutely amazing. My co-workers though,
that stayed after sometimes and listened to me sing, meant so much to me. They
clearly could have had enough of me every other day of the week, putting up
with me and teaching me the ropes of the restaurant biz, but still they chose
to stay after their shift was done and listen to me sing. It meant so much to
me, even if I didn’t show it all that well.
Even though
I came home at midnight or later almost every night, I still sat down behind
the piano and filled countless pages of notebooks with songs and lyrics,
because I was feeling so much and experiencing life as more of an adult. Growing
up and having responsibilities was exciting to me, and as the summer drew to a
close, I too began to wind down. My high school friends were leaving for
college, my new friends were off to new adventures, and there I was, stuck in
this same town, forced back into my old way of life.
There were just
short of three weeks left to summer, and work was slowly getting quieter and
quieter. I remember one night as I was cleaning the kitchen with one of my
co-workers, we got to talking about music. He asked me what my favorite song
was lyrically and I instantly blurted out Miss Atomic Bomb by The Killers. I
explained how the way that they told the story was mesmerizing, and the lyrics
keep you hooked verse after chorus after verse. Then another question slaps me
in the face, “what’s your favorite song that you’ve written?” There was that
same old knot, twisting up inside of me. For some reason though I opened up
more than usual. I was older now, and more mature about my music. I told him
the truth, which was that I was scared to sing my favorite songs for other
people, because I was afraid of how they would react. Maybe my words won’t make
sense to them, or maybe they won’t like the vulnerable side of me. He then told
me something that stuck with me to this day. It was something along the lines
that I needed to let people hear my music and not be afraid, because the people
that like it, are going to love it, and I don’t need to be afraid of the people
that won’t like it, because they’ll only build me up. Props to him for being so
wise.
Who knew
that one person could flip a switch inside of me, and all of a sudden I was
ready to play my songs for people. I posted the first one, “Forevermore” on
Facebook. The feedback I got was outstanding. People were sharing it left and
right and texting my phone asking for more. I was overjoyed and blown away that
people liked it so much.
Right before
Nashville though, I went through this “funk”. All my friends were gone off to
college, summer was over, and I was just plain depressed. I had gotten close
with so many people, and it was hard to watch them all move on without me. So I
took to the paper and pen once again, but this time locking myself in my room
for days on end and writing until I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore. Out of
this came some of my best work though, and I am so proud of what I accomplished
during this time.
My EP
consists of four songs. One, which is Breathing Underwater, was written when I
was younger, but the other three, were all written right before I went in for
recording, when I was in that “funk”. Little White Lies, Somethin Like That,
and Her, all were written in my bed, with nothing else but my pj’s on and my bedside
lamp for a light.
Absolutely
NONE of this would be possible without the countless people who have supported me
from day one. Yes, I remember every single one of you, and I will never, ever
forget you. You all mean the world to me, honestly. I am so thankful for not
only the people who are in my life now, pushing me and supporting me, but for
the people that have recognized me at such a young age, and stuck with me through
all these years. Happy tears are clouding my eyes as I write this because of
how amazing people have treated me and accepted me.
As I’m
sitting here listening to my songs again, the excitement inside of me keeps
building. I want to share this music with you NOW! I am so thrilled to release
my “diary” to you all in a way. I can’t wait to interact with you, and see how
you feel about my music.
So as I
write this blog, I am also announcing the release date of my music across the
web….
(drum role
please….)
On January
16th, not only will I turn 19 years old, I will also be RELEASING ‘HER’
THE EP for all you lovely people to enjoy!!!!
So, I would
love to connect with all of you and get to know you.
Please feel
free to email me and ask me any questions you may have. Or if you need a
friend, advice, any way I can help, I want to. You all have done so much for
me, I am now reaching out to you.
Also, send
me an email if you want to pre-order the EP. If you pre-order one now through
January fifteenth, you will get a second one free to give to your friends so
they can hear it too! Woohoo! Who doesn’t love free stuff!!?
You all are
amazing. You all are little gifts from God to me.
So please,
talk to me, I’d love to hear from you J
-Madeline
No comments:
Post a Comment