Falling behind and trying to catch up is about as easy as
trying to spread frozen butter on room temperature bread. Very difficult.
Yet here I am falling the slightest bit more behind on my
schoolwork as I attempt to fill you in on the many things that have happened in
my life.
First and foremost I would like to make a promise to you.
Every single Wednesday night/Thursday morning I will post a new blog. I know
some people have told me they missed my writing so this is for you guys. I promise
through and through to consistently write and keep log of what I do.
Consistency is key in life. We consistently need food and
water to stay alive, we consistently need human interaction or else we would go
bonkers, we consistently like to find love or else we would be sad, depressed
people. I found that we also need to be consistent in other things too.
Although small, we need to always remember to be nice to others, to love the
ones that don’t necessarily love us, and take time out of our day to help other
people. (I’m actually a profit incase you didn’t know) Anyways, it’s true! I
see too many people being rude to each other and blowing people off. It happens
to me too, all the time!
So what I’m trying to say here is lets all be consistently
good people. Okay? Okay.
Moving along to other things, I recently just competed in
the Hard Rock Rising Battle of the Bands competition. It was pretty much
AMAZING to say the least. I had outstanding support from my friends at St.
Thomas and tons of my family came out to see me and it was overwhelmingly
awesome. For the first time I had real fans that I got to interact with (and
take a giant selfie with and put it on my snapchat.. how cool). When I was on
stage, I finally felt this incredible happiness and sense of belonging that I
hadn’t felt in so long. It was truly marvelous. I never wanted to stop, and I
probably wouldn’t have stopped it wasn’t for the emcee telling me I had
surpassed my time limit… true story. I like to sing guys, and no one can stop
me. (unless excessive singing could get me disqualified.. then I will stop)
Anywho, needless to say that experience was off the wall
(idk is that what people say.. I feel extremely lame saying that).
SO, on another note.. school at the University of St. Thomas
is absolutely amazing and I love it and if anyone is on the fence about
attending college.. hop off that fence right now because school is great and it
keeps you the “good kind” of busy and you should go. Heck, come to St. Thomas
and we can be besties. Just sayin..
Studying is kind of hard though, you have to be disciplined.
I am disciplined but to a certain degree. If my roommate is gone and I have to
write flashcards for an exam in a couple days, but I see my guitar lookin all
sorts of lonely over there in the corner, you bet on Gods green earth I’m going
to pick up that guitar and start singing and writing songs. It’s who I am,
sorry Philosophy, me studying for your test is not happening today… or at least
until my roommate gets back and tells me to shut up.
Speaking of my roommate, I think she is the cutest little
thing. She makes me smile. She’s just so “consistently” kind to me and
considerate and awesome and I think she deserves best roommate award. And we
listen to the same kinds of music and like the same shows on Netflix so
seriously… it’s a win win situation like all the time. She’s so cool, she
deserves a high five.
Other interesting things going on in my life… lets see.
Ooooooo I know: I wrote this cool thing about love and y’all should read it.
It’s super deep and awesome but I think you’ll like it. It’s like poetry but
nothing rhymes so I’m not really sure what it is. Anyways, here it is… I’ll
just leave this here:
Love is so complicated
It burns you, but you
like the burning; whereas if you were burned by a fire, the burning would hurt
you.
Love hurts you too
though.
It can hurt you so bad
it brings tears to your eyes and aches to your bones.
Love can build you up
just as fast as it can tear you down into a million little pieces.
Love doesn’t make
logical sense at all.
On any given day you
wouldn’t jump off a bridge into unknown waters, but if someone you loved so
deeply asked you jump into the deep with them, you would do it in one second.
Love has no
boundaries. No limits. No nothing.
Love is lovely, yet it
is hellish and unjust. It fills your entire being and makes you feel like a
wonderful dance is going on inside of you for days and days. Then all of a
sudden the dance ends, and you miss the feeling of fluttering feet in your
stomach and acrobatics in your chest. You miss the smile that would skim your
face when the thought of them slowly crept across your mind.
But now you’re left
with an empty arena inside. The only thing you can hear is the music that was
left on repeat when the dancing was over.
The same songs play
over and over and over and over...
Yet you never get
tired of them, or annoyed that they never stop. You could never even begin to
get angry that the same track plays again and again, because it reminds you of
when the dancing was still happening inside of you.
When they touch your
skin, you felt the goose bumps crawl all the way up your arm and scatter across
your entire self. You felt alive, invigorated.
You felt invincible.
So you took the leap
of faith and dove head first into something you didn’t have a clue about.
Love numbs you, so you
felt nothing when they took advantage of your body and held you too close and
spread you too thin.
You thought you meant
something incredibly exceptional to them, so you gave yourself to them with all
the trust in the world. You handed your heart to them on a silver platter
decorated exquisitely with your trust, patience, and your beautiful love.
But who cares about
those things, right?
Who cares about the
three most individually important things in human existence?
Without trust we have
nothing.
Without love we have
nothing.
Without trust we would
spite everybody.
Without love, we would
look blankly into others blank faces and feel nothing but nothingness. A planet of dull, lifeless, stupid animals we
would be without love.
Yet love always aims
to shoot us right where it hurts the most.
And here we are
blaming love for all our unfortunate misfortunes, when we should blame the ones
who misuse love.
Love is fascinating.
Captivating. Magnificent.
Yet we treat it as if
it were a rock.
We misuse it so we may
use other people.
Why do we take such an
exceptional thing and make it into something regarded like dirt?
Because we are selfish
and greedy and useless.
If we want people to
really love us, we need to realize we are only wanting their bodies to love us.
A human body can only
do so much, but if someone loves you with their entire soul, mind, and body?
Now that’s something.
That’s love.
That’s the mark of a
miraculous person.
A stupendous person.
Love can be the most
extraordinary thing this universe has ever seen.
Love can be blinding,
and that is why we mistake it for lust, desire, greed, hunger..
We mistake love for
longing and thirst.
Love is none of those
things, for love is pure in it’s most graceful state.
Do not mistake it for
something wretched and horribly sub-par.
When love comes
knocking on your door, asking if you will let it in, let in the dance that will
coexist within you for as long as the love burns, you will know when it is true.
You will say yes.
You will love every
second that it is within you.
Because love is so
complicated.
But it is so wonderful
all at the same time.
I hope you read that and thought twice and then said,
“woah”. Because that’s what I did once I wrote it and read it over. I freaked
out a little because, I’m not really sure where that came from. Sometimes I
surprise myself.
Anyways, unfortunately I must get back to studying. I love
you all and thank you for your endless support. It means the world to me!
Don’t forget to follow me on twitter (@maddieee_mo) and
instagram (@madelineconsoer).
-xoxo Gossip Girl
just kidding….
Love,
Madeline
