I’ve been messing around with a few new songs lately and new
ideas have been circling around in my head and I can’t seem to get one solid,
connected thought onto paper. The mind of a creative person is like a jungle,
or one of those splatter paintings, or like a web browser with 4,052 tabs open
at once.
My brain. Never. Quits.
I never, ever complain though. There are people that have
brilliant ideas, but they do absolutely nothing about it. Magnificent ideas go
to waste every day, and it’s utterly tragic. Thinkers are marvelous human
beings who walk the walk and talk the talk and think the think. Does that even
make sense…? It makes enough sense… what I’m trying to say is these people who
are not scared of their own bewildering minds and ideas, are the ones that
change the world. I’ve heard that if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t
big enough. That is the best thing I’ve heard in my nineteen years of life on
planet Earth. If you’re scared of what people will think of you, or that you’ll
fall flat on your face, that’s great!! You’re doing something right! You’re
ideas are tremendous and your thoughts are so vast, they reach as far, and
FARTHER, than the eye can see. You genius, you.
With all these delirious doo-dads floating around in my
head, I have had trouble writing a song that makes sense. I start with
something about maybe liking a guy.. then I end with something about moving
across the country or my love for food, or possibly something about my dog. The
funny thing is, I’m not even slightly joking. I can’t sit still for five
seconds and I can’t concentrate on one single thing for more than about twelve
minutes. I’m surprised I’ve even gotten this far in my blog post… speaking of,
I’m actually thoroughly amazed that I haven’t walked away yet. It’s probably
because writing some things down like this is giving me a chance to step back
and really look at what is going on in my head. Like a detox, for my brain.
So anyways, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not yet but
it’s already the middle of summer. Holy cow. I was fishing with a friend and
spending time with him when we got to talking about how we wished it was this
time last year. How nice would it be to be able to rewind and feel a couple
things twice? Pretty darn nice. Time is going incredibly too fast, people are
walking in and out of my life all too quickly, and I’m growing up so rapidly, I
don’t even remember being eighteen. I’m going to be twenty in six months.
That’s insane!! Weeks are racing by and months are over in a snap of my
fingers. It’s like the wizard of time is looking at us all laughing saying,
“well, It’s already almost the last week of July, you miiiiight want to start
packing for college or thinking about school again. Sorry, not sorry!!!” And
then we’re sitting here, wallowing in all our past memories and trying to catch
up with friends and family, scrambling to find time to even sit down and enjoy
a sunrise or sunset. It’s not fair. Life never used to go this fast, ask any
parent or grand parent. Summer’s would coast by at a comfortable speed and the
rest of the year was smooth sailing. People had enough time to laugh and to
dance, and they were able to reach out to old acquaintances and keep up with
high school flames. Now we’re rushed through middle school, forced through high
school, and regretfully pushed through college, even though we want to make it
last and hold on to every day. But days are like balloon strings, they’re so
thin and tiny and too easily able to slip out of our hands before we are able
to admire the color or the beauty of them floating by.
I want to be able to relish in all that life has to offer
me. I want to be able to swim in sunbeams and walk to the tips of rainbows and
search aimlessly for pots of gold that aren’t really there. I want to believe
in everything and be perfectly content with the world surrounding me. Instead
I’m running out the front door at 7 am, hoping for a rainy day so that I might
not feel so bad remaining inside for hours on end at work. Instead I’m counting
my pennies and budgeting every last dime, wishing that a pot of gold would show
up at my doorstep. Instead I find myself skeptical of every word that comes out
of people’s mouths, and I find it hard to believe in the things I would like
to. Life seems to be a crazy paradox lately, and I hate it.
I don’t hate life itself, however. I adore life. I love
every day I’m given on this planet. I’m obsessed with the beauty of everything.
I’m dumbfounded by nature and impressed with how everything works and coexists.
Life is a truly spectacular thing.
I feel like sometimes I tend to point out all the negative
things happening in my life in these things I write. It’s easier to write about
the lousy stuff. The favorable events are seldom when you’re insanely busy like
me, but when they happen, man are they are outstanding. I just recently became
a nanny for a family that I absolutely adore. I go over every day to their
cabin on Cranberry Lake and help with the kids and small things around the
house. The little girl has a spectacular mind. I am fascinated by her, and I
love watching her every day. She reminds me incredibly of myself. Our brains
are the exact same brain. We can’t sit still, we love to draw and create, and
already by two and a half, she’s sitting at the piano composing music. I was
completely floored when I first saw this. You best believ I whipped out the
camera on my phone and started video taping. Sure it was nothing but a jumble
of random keys and chords, and a couple la-da-dee’s and noo-nee-na’s, but it
was wonderful. She’s an absolute genius already and I am amazed.
I am actually amazed by so many things. By the good, and the
bad. I’m amazed with people’s talents and abilities, but then I’m amazed with
people’s ability to be inconsiderate. Or their ability to disappoint me so many
times, yet they don’t see the wrong they did and forget all together to
apologize. It tears me into little, tiny pieces. If you want to see me, please
tell me when. Or, when you tell me a time, don’t bail. People that bail are the
worst kinds of people. Like, if you make plans with me and I get super excited,
don’t opt out last minute. Chances are I’ll be extremely disappointed, and
probably won’t want to talk to you for at least a good month. It’s true. OR..
if you tell me you miss me, and then make absolutely no effort on God’s green
earth to try to see me or call me, or even text me. I see right through you,
you don’t miss me, it’s just word vomit spilling out of your mouth for the sake
of it. People need to talk the talk AND walk the walk, just like I said before.
I’m AMAZED at people who can lie through their teeth, and look me right in the
eye and feed me blatant myths and fables. I want to scream at them, “SHUT UP! ”.
I know I don’t handle these situations in the best of ways, but if someone lets
me down, or doesn’t treat me well, I don’t take it lightly. Everyone deserves
to be treated like kings and queens and princesses and princes. Don’t make me
so upset that my head hangs low and my crown begins to fall. I don’t like that,
don’t dull my shine. I guess I’m kind of saying here that I don’t handle
rejection well. I do! I really do handle it decently, just not when it’s my
emotions on the line. Don’t mess with my emotions and my feelings. I’m tough,
but I’m easily hurt. I’m a paradox myself, just like I think life is paradox.
Now that I’m starting to see my ideas come full circle here,
I think I’m finally getting somewhere in trying to figure out what’s going on
inside my head. I’m sorry this blog post is so scatter-brained and all over the
place. I shouldn’t be apologizing for anything actually… but I feel the need to
this time because of the randomness of each new idea I brought into existence.
I hope you can take something out of this. Whether it be you finally figuring
out something about yourself that you’ve been struggling with, or that I’m just
plain crazy and psycho. (Because, I CAN
be a little bit weird sometimes, and that’s quite alright with me)
Just remember I love you all, and I’m so thankful for you
each and every day.
Keep a look out on all my social media accounts for updates
on where I’m performing, and MY NEW MUSIC VIDEO!!!!
The video for Somethin’ Like That will be out before you
know it.. so you should tell your friends and family and your cousins dog and
sisters fiancé!!!
Anyways, you guys are pretty great, never forget that.
Love you all!!!!!
-Madeline
Twitter: @mconsoer_music
Instagram: @madelineconsoer
Facebook: Madeline Music
